Jump the gun

Have you ever burned your tongue? Of course you have. Like me, you probably get impatient and take a bite, knowing you are risking the ability to taste for the next couple of days.

The other day I remember staring at something on my plate and analyzing what I was planning on eating the next couple of days.

Long story short, I jumped the gun and burnt my tongue.

I feel like I have done everything I can in order to find a job. I am confident that I have applied to more jobs than Obama. Nothing against him, I just really want to say that.

There is a pier on at the end of Wall Street that shoots into the Hudson. When you look out, you see the Brooklyn Bridge in all it's massiveness. When you look in you see a wall of enormous buildings keeping out anyone that questions their ability to make money. Thus the Wall Street Paradox is born. I'm convinced that the only people suited for New York City are those that have big heads. If your head is big enough, someone will squeeze you in.

Behind June, my niece, you'll see the tightly knit wall of the Financial District.

Some people have told me that they think I'm too nice for the City. The only people that make it here are severely cut-throat. They know what they want and won't let anyone stop them. I would agree. I am a nice person, unfortunately my niceness doesn't mask my massive ego. I think I have a lot of great ideas and can be excruciatingly creative. That's why I'm here.

Baby steps

It is starting to hit me that I'm not in Utah anymore. Everything was all great and dandy until I called my old roommate / cousin / best-friend. We talked about how great life was back in Provo. When he get's hungry, he is back at home in under 15 minutes with a full fridge and an enormous quiet back yard. That's when it hit me. I could have that. I could throw in the towel, pack up my two bags and be back in Provo in under 24 hours. 

I could do that. What if... I really haven't doubted making the decision to come out here yet. But if I could come close to doubting, to the point where I look in the mirror and wish I saw the exact same person, only in Provo. I could do that, but I won't. 

I keep thinking about at talk given by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland. He said, "Don't panic and retreat. Don't lose your confidence. Don't forget how you once felt. Don't distrust the experience you had. That tenacity is what saved Moses when the adversary confronted him, and it is what will save you." (Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence, 1999)

I have to admit, I have wondered, feared, struggled, and blamed. I don't doubt nor will I ever that I wasn't supposed to come to New York, but I do wonder.

I literally feel like I'm standing on a sidewalk and the only light is coming from behind me. It's peaking through a door that is slightly ajar. In front me is a big black nothing. I can't even see the ground in front of me. I can feel that I'm not supposed to turn back to the door, but to keep moving forward. Because there is no light, I only trust myself to take feverishly small steps. Safe steps. Baby steps.

When times are tough

I had a deep realization this morning. Every time things get really tough and I'd love to throw in the towel, I picture the last turn of my marathon last summer. At that moment I have to decide, am I going to walk across the finish line or am I going to do what I did last summer and dance across the finish line?

Unfortunately I have only had this image appear in my mind twice this week. Both times were on the treadmill on the top floor of a very tall building in New York City.

That being said, I have now had 7 interviews in The Big Apple. All interviews were "good". Each interview ended with an extremely convenient "we'll get back to ya".

On average, I check my email every two minutes (that's factoring in my 7 hours of sleep every night).

Still single, still unemployed, and still can't wait to make it big.

Just checkin' in.
-Clint

PS, before selling everything, I graduated from BYU

this is actually Corey's yellow tassel. I'm a proud owner of a white one.